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PostPosted: Thu Nov 16, 2006 1:14 pm 
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Joined: Fri Nov 12, 2004 8:01 pm
Posts: 143
Location: Bp. (ELTE BTK & TTK)
Though the guys do seem to take themselves seriously, they are quite funny:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzL4tYjNQv8
Lucky me. I am by definition immune to such things... :lol:

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat May 27, 2006 12:42 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jun 14, 2005 7:14 pm
Posts: 15
These are not jokes, really, but some rather witty anagrams:

Dormitory -> Dirty Room
Evangelist -> Evil's Agent
Desperation -> A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code -> Here Come Dots
Slot Machines -> Cash Lost in 'em
Animosity -> Is No Amity
Mother-in-law -> Woman Hitler
Snooze Alarms -> Alas! No More Z's
Alec Guinness -> Genuine Class
Semolina -> Is No Meal
The Public Art Galleries -> Large Picture Halls, I Bet
A Decimal Point -> I'm a Dot in Place
The Earthquakes -> That Queer Shake
Eleven plus two -> Twelve plus one
Contradiction -> Accord not in it


"That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind." -- Neil Armstrong
->
"A thin man ran; makes a large stride, left planet, pins flag on moon! On to Mars!"

To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind tosuffer the slings andarrows of outrageous fortune."
->
"In one of the Bard's best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten."


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 11:04 am 
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Joined: Sat Feb 19, 2005 1:24 pm
Posts: 118
Brainy (and funny) quotes:

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
Oscar Wilde

Shoot a few scenes out of focus. I want to win the foreign film award.
Billy Wilder

There is joy in work. There is no happiness except in the realization that we have accomplished something.
Henry Ford

Wit is educated insolence.
Aristotle

'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.
Mark Twain

Such is the human race, often it seems a pity that Noah... didn't miss the boat.
Mark Twain

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
Woody Allen


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 4:00 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jan 21, 2005 1:30 pm
Posts: 52
Location: Kisvarda
THE FEMALE PERSPECTIVE:

--note: No male was hurt during the writing process of this piece--

>>One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his
>>Sweatshirt.
>>Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
>>"What
>>setting do I use on the washing machine?"
>>"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
>>He yelled back, "University of Michigan."
>>And they say blondes are dumb...
>>
>>A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the
>>happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
>>
>>"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped
>>out
>>of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think
>>if I
>>mowed the lawn like
>>this?"
>>"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
>>
>>He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said -
>>That's a
>>good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa
>>and
>>fart.
>>
>>Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
>>A: A rumor
>>
>>A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th
>>wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them
>>and
>>said that because they had been so good that each one of them could
>>have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her
>>husband.
>>Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
>>The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
>>Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!
>>
>>A PRAYER....
>>
>>Dear Lord,
>>I pray for Wisdom to understand my
>>man;
>>Love to forgive him;
>>And Patience for his moods.
>>Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
>>I'll beat him to death.
>>
>>
>>AMEN
>>
>>Q: Why do little boys whine?
>>A: They are practicing to be men.
>>
>>Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
>>A: Trustworthy.
>>
>>Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath
>>and
>>calling your name?
>>A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
>>
>>Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
>>A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
>>
>>Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
>>A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
>>
>>Q: What is the difference between men and women?
>>A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants
>>every
>>woman to satisfy his one need.
>>
>>Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your
>>e-mail?
>>A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

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 Post subject: 33 rules Of The english language
PostPosted: Fri Mar 03, 2006 4:53 pm 
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Joined: Fri Nov 12, 2004 12:09 pm
Posts: 8
Location: budapest
i've just found this, hope you'll also like it :)

33 rules Of The english language

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words> however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
24. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.
25. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
26. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
27. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
28. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
29. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
30. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
31. Who needs rhetorical questions?
32. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. And finally...
33. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Feb 25, 2006 8:59 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jan 21, 2005 1:30 pm
Posts: 52
Location: Kisvarda
Does management know their staff?

On walking into the factory, the MD noticed a young guy leaning
against a wall, doing nothing. He approached the young man and
calmly said to him, "How much do you earn?"

The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, he replied, none the less, "I earn $ 2 000.00 a month, Sir.
Why?"

Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed $ 6000.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said, "Around here I pay people for working, not for standing around looking pretty! Here is 3 months' salary, now GET OUT and don't come back".

The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.

Noticing a Few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner, "And that applies for everybody in this company".

He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, "Who 's the young man that I just fired ?"

To which an amazing reply came of,

"He was the pizza delivery man, Sir!!!"

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 Post subject: Jokes to lighten up your day
PostPosted: Sat Feb 25, 2006 8:57 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jan 21, 2005 1:30 pm
Posts: 52
Location: Kisvarda
Woman's Last Wish Before Plane Crash

On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.

Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of relationships in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril and they all stare riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says.

He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches.

He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:






















"Iron this."

----------------------------------------------------------


Blonde Goes Camping

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde were camping when they ran out of food.
The brunette went out hunting and came back the next morning with a deer.

"How did you get that?" asked the redhead. "Well", said the brunette "found the tracks, followed the tracks, shot the deer".

The next night the redhead went out hunting.

The next morning she came back with a bear.

"How did you get that?" asked the blonde. "Found the tracks, followed the tracks, shot the bear", said the redhead.

The third night the blonde went out and the next morning she came back bruised, bloody, and clothes torn.

"What happened?" said the brunette?

The blonde replied, "found the tracks, followed the tracks, got hit by the train."

-------------------------------------------------------------

The Snake and The Bunny


Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth.
One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.

"Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am."

It's quite ok," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is as yours. I too have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are so at least you'll have that going for you."

"Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur, you have really long ears, your nose twitches, and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit."

"Oh, thank you, thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me."

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no ba**s. I'd say you must be either a team leader, supervisor or possibly someone in senior management."

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